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Summer flings are not unheard of. You get seated next to an attractive guy (or girl) on the plane/bus/boat on your way to Boracay, Bohol, or Siargao (or some other destination) and exchange pleasantries if not numbers (or Instagram handles). And then you run into him (or her) on the beach or at the bar or at the breakfast buffet and realize the potential.
These brief relationships can be thrilling and enjoyable, but they also come with hazards, both emotional and physical, that call for vigilance and self-awareness.
In an interview with GMA News Online, sexual health expert Dr. Krischelle de Guzman Halili and relationship and life coach Alicia Serrano shared their expert insights to help identify the do’s and don’ts of having a safe and fulfilling fling.
What is a fling?
Fling is a casual, short-term romantic or sexual relationship that is typically non-committal and based on mutual attraction rather than long-term emotional investment, Dr. Krish explained.
It can range from a one-time encounter, like a one-night stand, to a brief affair lasting from a few weeks up to around five months.
Similarly, Coach Alicia describes flings as “short-term romantic and/or sexual connections” that can vary in duration but generally remain casual. She highlights that flings often arise due to lifestyle choices, personal priorities, or temporary circumstances, such as traveling.
Those who are into flings may find that short and casual relationships work better for what they currently want and need.
“It could be that they want to prioritize things other than a serious relationship regardless of their capacity for commitment. Others are also simply not ready for long-term commitments yet long for affection and companionship,” Coach Alicia said.
Dr. Krish added that some conventional motivations for flings are: it is fun and physically enjoyable, devoid of emotional commitment, and a way to get peers’ approval.
A real-life fling experience
Lara Bautista, a 24-year-old female, once had a fling with a guy she met online.
“I decided to have a fling because I’ve been single for a long time,” she said.
After two months, Lara chose to end it, realizing a few things and before she grew fonder of the guy.
“He didn’t make any effort to get to know me or take our relationship to the next level,” she said.
Lara’s experience highlights a common issue with flings: While they can be fun and fulfilling in the moment, they may not always meet deeper emotional needs.
Among celebrities, Dr. Krish and Coach Alicia recalled Taylor Swift’s three-month fling with Tom Hiddleston.
“She and Tom had a classic summer fling shortly after her breakup with Calvin Harris. Some of their first photographs were during the 4th of July. Their relationship ended by September. It can be characterised by a sudden start that was intensely passionate yet lasted briefly,” Dr. Krish said.
How to have a safe fling?
Engaging in a fling requires safeguarding both emotional and physical well-being.
1. Emotional Safety
Dr. Krish emphasizes setting clear expectations. “Define boundaries, perhaps even a duration, especially if you met while traveling. No assumptions should be made.”
She warns that developing deeper feelings can be risky, advising that “if the dates become more frequent or involve 'serious couple' activities, clarify intentions with your partner.”
Similarly, Coach Alicia stresses the importance of being honest with oneself.
“Are you the kind of person who gets attached easily? If so, a fling may not be the best choice,” she said.
She recommends continuous self-check-ins to assess whether a fling remains fulfilling.
2. Physical Safety
Physical safety is crucial when engaging in short-term relationships.
Dr. Krish highlights the risks, including “unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and even physical violence.” To mitigate these risks, she recommends:
- Using protection and getting regular STI tests.
- Considering birth control options.
- Meeting in public places initially and informing a trusted friend about plans.
Coach Alicia adds that vetting a potential partner is essential.
“Checking their social media can provide insight into their character, and observing how they treat you and others is a key safety measure.”
She also introduces the “three C’s” or Consent, Control, and Communication.
- Consent: Ensure mutual agreement and respect for boundaries.
- Control: Avoid individuals who try to manipulate or dominate.
- Communication: Be upfront about expectations and emotional limits.
3. Social and Privacy Considerations
Both experts stressed the importance of privacy.
Dr. Krish warns against oversharing personal details, especially financial information. “Decide whether you will keep the fling discreet or public,” she said, adding that social media can complicate short-term relationships.
Coach Alicia said the same, suggesting that maintaining discretion “reduces unnecessary drama and protects both parties.”
When to end or continue a fling?
Knowing when to walk away is essential. Dr. Krish lists the following signs that it’s time to end a fling:
- You feel unsafe or disrespected.
- Jealousy or emotional attachment becomes unhealthy.
- The fling ceases to be fulfilling.
Coach Alicia adds that a fling should end when it no longer brings joy or aligns with one’s priorities.
“If you find yourself wanting something more serious, or if the connection no longer serves you, it’s OK to walk away,” she said.
On the other hand, if both parties remain happy and aligned in expectations, there is no harm in continuing the fling.
Coach Alicia advises frequent reassessment, saying “As long as you feel safe and satisfied, there’s no rush to end it. But always be honest with yourself and your partner.”
— LA, GMA Integrated News
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