Have you ever felt abandoned?

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“And about three o’clock, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ which means, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’”

Did God the Father abandon Jesus on the cross?

Everything I have been taught and experienced about God cries out, “No!” It was just a little over three months ago when we were singing about the birth of the Emmanuel, the God-with-us. How can God forsake the Son who embodies his presence for us? This Son preached about the Shepherd who looks for the one lost sheep and the Father who never stops waiting for the prodigal children to come to their senses and return home. No, God is not a God who abandons.

So why did Jesus utter those words? Diving deeper into Scripture, one discovers that those words are actually the first verse of Psalm 22 – our Psalm today. This tells us that on the cross, Jesus was praying a Psalm which near the end proclaims, “For he has not spurned or disdained the misery of this poor wretch, did not turn away from me, but heard me when I cried out.” No, God is not a God who abandons.

But while Psalm 22 does end with great trust in God, it begins with great anguish. While God the Father may not have abandoned his Son, could Jesus have felt abandoned? Before Jesus arrived at those words of great trust, perhaps he had to go through great anguish. For us, is this not one of the most powerful ways to develop trust—to go through uncertainty and lost-ness? And perhaps the greater the anguish, the greater the trust will be.

Many times, I have been approached by people dealing with difficulties and facing challenges I myself cannot make sense of. Many times, I have no answers and can only say, “God is with you still; God has not abandoned you.” But I cannot deny what these people feel and what I would also feel if I ever find myself in their shoes: Abandoned.

Perhaps this is part of the Good News in our Gospel today: When we feel abandoned, we can allow ourselves to cry out, “I feel abandoned! Where are you God?” We do not have to deny our anguish. We can wail.

But in our darkness, I hope we can also let in a sliver of light and whisper, “I know at least one time when Jesus could have felt the same way.” Then we can say he is truly Emmanuel, God-with-us.   

Betsie ten Boom, the Dutch Christian who was imprisoned by the Nazis for helping Jews, died in a concentration camp uttering, “There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still.” Palm Sunday is when people waving fronds welcomed Jesus into Jerusalem. Maybe this Palm Sunday can be an invitation for us to welcome Jesus into our anguish.  Sometime this Holy Week, approach the God on the cross. As you see his anguish, remember all your anguish, too. Know you are not alone. Maybe tell him he is not alone also.

Your prayer assignment this week:

Remember a time when you felt alone and in anguish. Mouth the first line of Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”

Now listen to the words of this song from the musical Dear Evan Hansen.

Have you ever felt like nobody was there?
Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?
Have you ever felt like you could disappear?
Like you could fall, and no one would hear?

On Good Friday, I hope you can visit Christ on the cross and sing these words to him:

Let that lonely feeling wash away
Maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay
'Cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand
You can reach, reach out your hand

Then reach out your hand to him.

Fr. Francis teaches Theology, Education and Scripture at both the Ateneo de Manila University and Loyola School of Theology. As a classroom teacher, he is first and foremost a student. As a professor, he sees himself primarily as a pastor.