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It is embarrassing to share this ugly version of me for the world to see, but it’s a step I need to take towards healing and accountability
2022 wasn’t my proudest moment.
Just when the country was about to be rid of a president who was criticized for his brutality and incompetence, it was demoralizing to have a frontrunner whose campaign was backed by massive disinformation.
Social media was my only outlet at that time. Lashing out at their supporters brought me comfort. I would comment on their posts, call them out, then call it a win.
I also remember unfriending relatives and cutting off high school friends who held opposing views. At that time, it felt like I was better than them.
The peak of it all was seeing the winners of the 2022 election. I was confused, heartbroken, and appalled. And underneath it all, there was fear.
“Magjo-journalist pa ba ako? (Should I still become a journalist?)” I wondered, even considering putting the dream on hold, because in a society like the Philippines, I knew it would become much more difficult for journalists in the coming days. I didn’t want to endanger myself and break my parents’ hearts.
At the height of my emotions, I did the only thing that brought me comfort. I would leave comments expressing my disappointment on every post that celebrated the victory of the son of the dictator, regardless of whether I knew the person or not.
And before I knew it, the damage had already been done.
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It all came down to me days after the election — the shame, fear, and hatred.
Shame for exposing an ugly part of myself online, for so many to see. Hatred towards myself for letting politics ruin what was once a beautiful relationship. And fear that the things I said could have had legal repercussions.
I was so focused on telling people what was right that I forgot how to treat them right.
Having no courage to apologize and reconcile with the people I hurt, I deactivated my socials and stayed away from politics. For months, I stopped posting like I used to. I muted and blocked politicians who triggered me. I detached myself completely from what was happening around me, terrified of committing the same mistake I did previously.
Like many others, it gave me peace — but not for long. Because what people say is true: “Kapag namulat ka na sa katotohanan, kasalanan na ang pumikit.” (Once you’re awakened to the truth, turning a blind eye becomes a sin.)
I joined Rappler as an intern in 2023.
Here, I met journalists who fought for the truth with weapons forged by passion and patience. And for an organization that had been relentlessly targeted, demonized, and harassed by trolls, it amazed me how they chose to continue doing unbiased and honest work, uplifting and empowering even those who maligned them.
I wanted to be someone like them.
I realized that, like the many journalists in Rappler, I could also speak my mind in ways that are firm yet respectful. It turned out, the truth didn’t have to be compromised to avoid heated arguments; I just needed to learn how to speak it with humility.
When my internship ended, I was determined to return. Back then, I felt that going back and embodying these values could be my way of apologizing to those I had hurt during the 2022 election. And so I worked hard every day to be deserving of Rappler.
Two years later, I’ve come full circle — joining Rappler as a community engagement specialist, just in time for the election.
It’s not a spoken apology nor a gesture that many would understand. But it’s the most honest one I could offer.
Before, I used to only post negative things on social media, adding more noise in an already chaotic environment. Now, I share stories and insights in the Rappler Communities app about the upcoming election to ensure that the people in it are getting the information they need to make informed choices at the polls.
Through Pia Ranada’s “How to talk to someone who believes in disinformation about Duterte’s arrest,” I also learned how to approach people the right way. Now, I try to practice the tips shared by Pia, especially when discussing politics with family and friends.
I still think about 2022 and cringe. But with how Rappler puts facts first in our election coverage, as seen in the front-page chat room for election updates, voter-hotline chat room for reports, and philippine- politics chat room for stories on politics, and to the several important issues they amplified, I feel immense joy that I get the chance to contribute to something so revolutionary as this, all for the Filipino people.
The election is on Monday, May 12, my second time casting a vote. I don’t know how to deal with yet another loss once the results don’t favor what I hope for. But knowing that there’s an entire community at Rappler who will keep holding the line until the very end is where I draw my strength to keep pushing for better leaders, for a better Philippines.
It’s not too late to contribute something, too. Download the Rappler Communities app and join the chat rooms mentioned above to send stories, updates, and reports about your locality that you wish to amplify. Together, let’s work on ensuring a peaceful and honest election. – Rappler.com
