1 month ago
12
MANILA, Philippines – Are you a backburner, a no-strings-attached casual lover, or the premium girl/boy best friend? Maybe it’s time to ask them: “What are we?”
We asked two Gen Zs in their 20s to share their unique yet relatable experiences with the “new getting-to-know-me stage” called situationships. These college students talk about navigating this modern romantic landscape, where certainty often feels elusive. The thrills can give you butterflies in your stomach, while at the same time, leaving you hanging by a thread of confusion.
Sounds just right for Valentine’s, right? This one’s for all those who’ve exchanged flirty messages with a “friend,” who’ve been ghosted and have ghosted someone, who’ve been in a no-label relationship, and for the backburners!
What is a situationship?
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a situationship is “a romantic relationship between two people who do not yet consider themselves a couple but who have more than a friendship.”
Even before Cosmopolitan writer Carina Hsieh popularized the term in a 2017 article, it had already been making its quiet rounds. Hsieh described it as an intersection between “hooking up” and “being in a relationship.” In the Philippines, many may be more familiar with the term mutual understanding (MU), where two individuals acknowledge their feelings for each other but do not have an official label. However, a situationship can be trickier, filled with more uncertainty and ambiguity.
With the rise of dating apps and changing relationship dynamics, Gen Z has adopted a more pragmatic approach to love and sex, often favoring emotional exploration over traditional labels. Situationships exist in a gray area between friendship and romance, allowing connections without the pressure of commitment.
However, not everyone defines situationships the same way! Just ask Jennie* and Yanna*, two Gen Zs with differing views on this modern dating phenomenon.
For Jennie, a situationship isn’t necessarily “romantic” nor does it require commitment. For her, it’s just an avenue to flirt and engage with someone without labels or expectations. “It’s like he’s just there,” she puts it simply.
Meanwhile, Yanna acknowledges that while situationships lack formal commitment, she still held onto the hope that her situationship partner was somewhat committed to her.
“It’s hard. You can do things on different levels, even say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you,’ but there’s no label or certainty. Still, in all my situationships, I hoped they were committed to me already,” she told Rappler in a mix of English and Filipino.
For them, situationships are social constructs, and their meaning varies from person to person. But the common denominator? A lack of commitment.
Signs that you are in a situationship
The world of situationships is indeed a tricky one. One day, you might be imagining marriage… the next, you’re blocking them out of frustration.
How do you know if you’re in a situationship? Here are a few signs that Jennie, Yanna, and I have experienced:
Frequent but casual check-ins
“Kumain na ako, ikaw ba?” “I’m on my way to class, ano oras class mo today?” “Nakauwi ka na ba?” “I’m with the homies lang, ikaw sino kasama mo?”
These seemingly innocent check-ins can make hearts flutter, but they can also be confusing. If someone constantly updates you about their day and asks about yours in a way that goes beyond friendship, it could be a sign that deeper feelings are developing.
Clinginess and attachment
Come on, platonic relationships can’t be that close.
It’s easy to notice when someone starts treating you differently. The subtle hand placements, the teasing, the lingering eye contact — these are all signals. And of course, spending hours on the phone just to do nothing together? Universal experience.
Feelings involved but not expressed
In this game, the rules are simple: Whoever confesses their feelings first loses.
Navigating a situationship can feel like a high-stakes chess match, with both parties waiting for the other to make the first move. Even when emotions are clearly involved, neither wants to be the first to admit it — because in a situationship, there’s no guaranteed outcome.
The million-dollar question: ‘What are we?’
This is the make-or-break moment that can either lead to something real or bring an abrupt end to the fun. I’ve been there, and let’s just say, the “It is what it is” card was used against me.
But hey, you never know! Jennie and Yanna’s situationships ended well. After months of uncertainty, both found themselves in exclusive relationships with the people they once considered just situationships.
How to play the game?
Jennie’s tip? “Leave them hanging — and hungrier.”
“After five months of uncertainty, he finally confessed to me after our final exams,” Jennie shared with a smile. She admitted that while it started as something casual, deeper feelings naturally developed.
What made her happiest? Finding out that “he liked me first and was just waiting for the right timing,” despite their agreement to keep things open. As of now, Jennie and her boyfriend have been dating for seven months.
Yanna’s take? “Be honest.”
For many, confessing first means “losing” the game. But Yanna broke that rule — she admitted her feelings first, then waited. To her surprise, her honesty didn’t push him away; instead, it encouraged him to be upfront about his own feelings.
“I wasn’t sure if he liked me. But during Christmas break, I wrote him a handwritten letter and sent it to him on Instagram,” she recalled. “A few hours later, he replied and asked if he could court me. So now, we’re at that stage.”
Unlike Jennie, Yanna believes that expressing genuine emotions is the best approach, even if the outcome is uncertain. After all, that’s the essence of a situationship — it’s a way to explore connections, take chances, and maybe, just maybe, find something real.
Situationships may exist in a gray area, but they are far from meaningless. They represent a modern form of connection that allows this generation to embrace freedom and exploration, challenging the assumption that they are simply a way to avoid commitment or romance. For Gen Z, they have become a key part of navigating ambiguity, blending into their evolving approach to relationships and personal growth.
Whether you’re enjoying the excitement of uncertainty or secretly hoping for something more, situationships offer an opportunity to connect, grow, and gain insight into yourself and others. As Jennie and Yanna have shown, these in-between connections can lead to deeper bonds — and sometimes, even love. So, the next time you find yourself in one, embrace the experience and decide how to navigate it, whether it turns into love or simply a lesson. – Rappler.com
Zach Dayrit is a Rappler intern studying BS Psychology at Ateneo de Manila University.
